So, as I was sprawled out on the couch, recovering from last night, I happened to come across what might be my new favorite television show. It’s on Spike TV and it’s called ‘Deadliest Warrior.’ This is the sort of show that appeals to the inner child in all of us, pitting different sorts of historical warriors in a quasi-scientific death battle. If you’ve ever thought Gladiators, Ninjas, Samurai, or Vikings were cool, then this show is for you.
The Premise is pretty simple. Each episode pits one sort of warrior against another to see who would win in a theoretical fight. In order to figure this out, these two scientist type guys record data from tests to see which warrior’s weapons kill better. The two 'scientists' don’t actually use the weapons though; they always bring in 'expersts' who actually know what they’re doing, which makes it even more sweet. So anyway, they hack the shit out of dummies made of ballistics gel, and then enter the data into this computer program, which then simulates 1000 fights between the two warriors, and whoever wins more fights is apparently the Most Deadliest Warrior in the World. It’s kind of like Mythbusters but with battle axes and ninja swords. To top it all off, they always end the show by showing what such a battle might look like. It’s bad acting, but it’s bad acting in all its gory splendor. For example, today I watched an Apache warrior whup a gladiator, continue to stab him about seven more times after he was clearly dead, and then lick the blood off his knife; in the next episode, the Samurai managed to defeat the Viking by stabbing him in the neck with his kitana (to the hilt), resulting in a super-soaker style geyser of blood.
As I said, this show totally appeals to me on a nostalgic level. When I was a kid, I always wondered if an army of ninjas would beat an army of robots. Of course, we’ll likely never know the answer to that question (or will we….?), but ‘Deadliest Warrior’ offers the same sort of absurd appeal. So watch it for the gore or the science (smashing a human skull with a club is science right?), either way, it’s worth a watch.
Rating: 8.0/10.
John E. Ryall
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I know some people might suggest that this depiction of an Apache warrior is insensitive and mildly racist. Clearly these people just aren't bad-ass enough.
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