Playoff Beards

First off, it should be noted that I am extremely prejudiced on the subject of facial hair. I happen to sport a beard that goes through varying stages of length and craziness, and so it will not surprise anyone to find out that I am a huge fan of the tradition among hockey player of growing out your beard during the playoffs. This is a serious sort of thing in some male circles where it is widely held that if you can’t grow a proper beard, then you must have a small penis or are impotent or something along those lines. Of course, I personally don’t hold such a view on the subject, but I must admit that I do harbor a certain respect for a fellow man that can grow a wicked good beard (by ‘good’ I also include those beards that are so terrible that they rule—that’s right, I’m talking about you Ovechkin…..you too Selanne). But for all the terrible facial hair, there are those players who exemplify the pinnacle of post season scruffiness, Scott Niedermayer and Chris Mason being two of the best examples of this (though Ray Borque deserves a shout out too). And if you’re not actually playing, you can still just pick a team and stop shaving. Playoff beards don’t have to be limited to hockey either; they are pretty much open game for any activity that remotely involves competition—for instance, cribbage playoffs.

I think every man owes it to himself to grow a beard at least once in his adult life, no matter how bad it is, which makes the concept of playoff beards a blessing to men everywhere. It gives anyone a perfectly legitimate excuse to grow the biggest, craziest, shittiest beard you can, all in the name of ‘the playoffs’. For some, this will probably still require a little extra courage in public (if your beard is that terrible, people will stare), but just take comfort in the fact that you very likely still look better than Sidney Crosby.


10/10


John E. Ryall