Review: Standing in line at "The Next Star" Audition

I don't normally make a point of paying any kind of attention to reality TV. It's fucking terrible. Especially anything involving any sort of singing/dancing. I think maybe I distrust any kind of talent that doesn't require any kind of equipment or tools outside of the human body. Singing and dancing just seems so self-indulgent. But what the fuck do I know? I'm probably just jealous.

The Next Star, which is apparently some sort of reality TV show a la American Idol for kids, held auditions here in Winnipeg on Saturday for their second season. My nephew is 10 years old. He loves the show, and wanted to try out. He's never had a singing lesson in his life. We arrived promptly at the Convention Centre at 6AM Saturday morning for what was sure to be a drawn-out affair.

You might expect me--wait, no one reads this. I would expect myself to rant and rail against this type of television; the shallowness and self-indulgence is over the top. But I don't think I'd like to pursue that route. As much as it was annoying as fuck to hear hundreds of kids cheering on command every few minutes, and especially after witnessing how contrived the whole thing was (they had all the adults do facial exercises at one point, likely to avoid having too many pale-faced and exhausted grownups on camera) the show had some redeeming qualities, and the kids seemed to enjoy it. The host seemed genuinely likable and friendly, and the kids had fun with him. The crew was pretty friendly as well, and aside from the fact that half of them--particularly the higher-ranking crew members--were wearing scarves over their T-shirts (this is a bigger trend that I just haven't noticed yet, isn't it?), which I don't particularly understand, they did their job efficiently.

There was just one particular event in the whole ordeal that fucked me up. One depressing fucking scene.

While we were lined up waiting to register, the camera crew and a producer were going around getting individual shots of excited kids shouting "I'm the next star!!" and cheering into the camera. One after the other kids took their turn shouting the line at the camera and adding a "woohoo" or whatever afterwards. The producer would give kids pointers, telling them what to say and coaching them. Everything was harmless enough until a black kid got his turn.

Taking the same approach as the children before him, the boy shouted "I'm the next star" into the camera and cheered loudly. The producer, through her tremendous powers of deduction, noticed that there was something different about this kid. I'm paraphrasing here, but the conversation went something like this:

Producer: "That was great. Can you try it again for me?"

Kid: "Sure."

Producer: "Okay, but this time I want you to do something different for me. You know this trick? With your hands?" [makes two-fingered gun with both hands, cocking them inward toward her face, tilts her head slightly and leans into the kid aggressively to demonstrate]

Kid: "Yeah!"

Producer: "And instead, can you say "the next star is mine!!" [in an aggressive voice]

Kid: "Okay."

I'm not sure how obvious my description made it, but the scene played out as an outrageous example of racial stereotyping. She might as well have said, "Hey kid. You're not acting black enough. Can you please act more aggressively? Because the viewers at home have an idea of how black people should behave, and I want to reinforce those racialized perceptions." 

Fuck. Me.

I'm not surprised that this type of thing happens in television. It's predictable and sadly expected for the most part. What surprised me though--call me naive if you will--was that this woman found in necessary to coach this kid on how to be black, and by doing so reinforces negative stereotypes on a nationally televised TV show for kids, and worse yet reinforces these ideas, especially in the mind of the child himself! What a fucking outrageous message.

That's right, son; if you want to be on television, you'd better take a look in the mirror and act accordingly. Don't be yourself, be what other people expect you to be when they look at you. Got it?

Ugh.

Rating: -3 of 10, cause it's not cool to fuck with impressionable youth. Poor little bastards.